Recognizing ADHD in Women: Kelly’s Story of Self-Discovery

Kelly Baumgartner was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, a revelation that changed her entire perspective on herself. Now, as an ADHD content creator and coach, she helps other women navigate life with ADHD.

Kelly Baumgartner shares what it's like to experience ADHD as a woman.

Like many women, Kelly’s symptoms were overlooked for years, leaving her to struggle in silence. Her story highlights the challenges of late-diagnosed ADHD in women and the importance of self-awareness and support.

Early Signs of ADHD in Women

Looking back, Kelly can now recognize the early signs of ADHD in her childhood. But like many women with ADHD, these signs were either dismissed or misinterpreted.

"My first memory was being in preschool and being put in the timeout chair because I couldn't sit still during story time," she recalls.

Throughout childhood, impulsivity and inattentiveness led to frustrating moments.

"I was such a daydreamer in school. My mom told me that in third grade, before playing at recess, I would walk laps around the playground's perimeter just to sort myself out and regulate, because I found the classroom overwhelming."

Many women with ADHD share similar experiences—difficulty sitting still, an overactive mind, or struggling to follow instructions. Yet, research shows that because girls often mask their symptoms, their struggles go unnoticed.

According to a study published in The Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, girls with ADHD are more likely to be diagnosed later in life compared to boys, often due to their ability to mask symptoms and present with inattentiveness rather than hyperactivity (Quinn & Madhoo, 2014).

Her ADHD Symptoms

 Kelly experienced several key signs of ADHD throughout her life, including:

• Difficulty sitting still – Put in a timeout chair in preschool for not sitting still during story time.

  
  

• Impulsivity – Acted without thinking, such as altering a science experiment and getting reprimanded.

  
  

• Daydreaming and inattentiveness – Often lost in thought, struggled to pay attention in class.

  
  

• Overwhelm in structured environments – Needed to walk around the playground before playing to self-regulate.

  
  

• Reading difficulties – Couldn’t focus on reading; relied on SparkNotes for books in high school.

  
  

• Academic struggles – Teachers likely passed her out of pity despite low grades.

  
  

• Social challenges – Felt like an outsider, struggled with friendships, and often misread social situations.

  
  

• Masking behaviors – Tried to blend in by pretending to be interested in certain things.

  
  

• Memory issues – Frequently forgot conversations, events, and plans, leading to frustration.

  
  

• Emotional sensitivity and dysregulation – Prone to big emotions, crying easily, and being misunderstood.

  
  

• Anxiety and rumination – Overanalyzed social interactions, worried excessively.

  
  

• Procrastination and motivation struggles – Struggled with task initiation and executive functioning.

  
  

• Sensory sensitivities – Felt overstimulated in environments with bright lights and background noise.

The Emotional Toll of Undiagnosed ADHD in Women

As Kelly grew older, the impact of undiagnosed ADHD became overwhelming. "I only read one book in all of high school—'Brave New World.' Every other book, I had to rely on SparkNotes because I just couldn’t sit down and read."

Many women with ADHD share similar experiences—difficulty sitting still, an overactive mind, or struggling to follow instructions. Yet, because girls often mask their symptoms, their struggles go unnoticed.

According to a study published in Psychiatric Times, ADHD is more commonly diagnosed in boys than in girls, with greater prevalence noted in clinical versus population samples. The current child prevalence ratio of about 2:1 in population samples indicates that girls are half as likely as boys to receive this diagnosis. There is significant support for the theory that girls are underrecognized, understudied, and underdiagnosed.

When she was finally diagnosed in adulthood, Kelly experienced a mix of relief and grief. "The six months after my diagnosis were the most I’ve ever cried in my life. I was grieving for little Kelly who didn’t understand herself, who always felt different and didn’t get the help she needed."

Discovering ADHD as a Woman

The turning point came when Kelly's boyfriend (now husband) casually mentioned that she displayed traits of ADHD.

"We were on a walk, and he told me he was reading this book called 'Spark 'by John Ratey. He said, 'There’s a chapter about ADHD, and everything in it sounds exactly like you.' It was one of those moments where everything zoomed in and out at the same time."

Despite studying ADHD as part of her education to become a teacher, she had never considered that it applied to her."I learned about ADHD in school, but it was always framed as something affecting hyperactive little boys—not adult women."

The Journey to an ADHD Diagnosis

Determined to get answers, Kelly pursued a neuropsychological evaluation. "It took three months to get an appointment. In that time, I hyper-focused on learning everything I could about ADHD. I started taking notes on my daily life, and by the time of my appointment, I had eight pages of notes documenting patterns I had never noticed before."

The extensive testing process was overwhelming. "I was questioning everything. Was I trying to manipulate the test results? Was I overanalyzing? But when the psychologist confirmed my diagnosis, I felt both relief and self-doubt. It was like, 'This changes everything and nothing at the same time.'"

Managing ADHD as a Woman

Kelly eventually decided to try medication, despite initial hesitation due to her preference for natural health approaches.

"The first time I took Ritalin, I cried," she says. "My mind was quiet for the first time. It was like, 'Is this what other people experience?' I could just decide to do things without the constant battle."

She experimented with different medications and found that Strattera helped regulate emotional ups and downs, while Ritalin assisted with focus and motivation. However, she remains flexible, sometimes going off medication entirely for months at a time.

"I’ve learned to adjust based on my work setting, how I’m feeling, and even where I am in my cycle."

Becoming an ADHD Coach for Women

As Kelly learned more about ADHD, she realized how many women struggle without support. Inspired by her own journey, she pursued training as an ADHD coach.

"Understanding how my brain works empowered me to change my life," she explains. "I wanted to help other women do the same."

Her coaching focuses on teaching clients about motivation and executive functioning. She explains that ADHD brains are motivated by interest, novelty, challenge, urgency, and passion, a concept developed by Dr. William Dodson.

"People without ADHD can say, 'This is important, so I’ll do it,'" she explains. "ADHD brains don’t work like that. We have to find ways to make tasks engaging."

Advice for Women with ADHD

For women newly diagnosed or wondering if they have ADHD, Kelly emphasizes self-compassion. "It’s common for symptoms to seem worse right after diagnosis because you’re seeing yourself through a new lens," she shares. "Allow yourself to grieve and learn. The more you understand your brain, the more you can set up systems that work for you."

Most importantly, she wants women to know they’re not alone. "ADHD is undeniably challenging, but it also comes with creativity, sensitivity, and unique strengths," says Kelly. "The world needs our brains. Keep learning, keep adjusting, and don’t forget to appreciate who you are."